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Tags:   Going out,   Humour,   Culture

By Mila Camilleri   -  March 24, 2015

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Paceville – Malta’s nightlife hub. Things have changed from the time this relatively small microcosm actually reflected the name Paceville. Nowadays the majority of this infamous realm’s weekend inhabitants range between the ages of 16 and 25. Anyone over the age of 25 who's a regular here should reflect on their life goals. 



As mature adults with plenty of life experience reading this, you know that in adolescence, the brain isn’t as developed as it should be. Throw alcohol into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for an almighty froġa. Here’s SWAG’s interpretation of all the various aspects of an average night out.



The Good: Why bother going out if you’re not going to drink? It’s the only thing that makes the whole night bearable. Spending a night in Paceville sober is like getting a root canal without any anaesthetic. (Disclaimer/Moron Alert: Please drink responsibly and don't drink and drive.)


The Bad: Your brain and self-confidence might be happy with the effects of alcohol, but your wallet and your pride might have a different opinion in the morning.


The Ugly: Too much alcohol can not only make you sick, but also make you look like a giant twat. Anything can happen, from drunk dialling your ex to soliciting people of questionable morals.





The Good: You walk into a club and your favourite song is playing. It’s a chance to let loose and bust out a few signature moves, maybe accompanied by an attractive woman or two.


The Bad: You walk into a club and you have no idea why the garbage you’re listening to is considered music. Your friends seem to like it, so you’re stuck there, pretending to enjoy yourself.


The Ugly: The DJ (or the guy pressing the space bar) is as hammered as the rest of the crowd, so things have taken a turn for the worse. The mind numbing beats and flashing lights are enough to send you into an epileptic fit – which actually seems like a great idea.





The Good: Your aim is to have a legendary night with your friends and to possibly get cosy with a few ladies. Judging from the crowds in front of Burger King, things are looking good.


The Bad: Your aim is to have a legendary night with your friends and to possibly get cosy with a few ladies. Judging from the crowds in front of Burger King, you’re going to spend the night dodging rhinos.


The Ugly: Houston, we have a problem. Your drunk friends are a lost cause and the even drunker people packed into the clubs are making things difficult. To top things off, not one attractive woman is within a one-kilometre radius. 





The Good: You’ve had a decent night but all you can think about is refuelling your stomach. Sitting on a pavement with a cheesy, greasy pizza slice really hits the spot.


The Bad: You find your way to your go-to pizza place, mumble your preferred slice, fumble in your wallet for €2 and successfully complete the transaction - only to drop the slice onto the dirty pavement. Are you drunk enough to care about the 5-second rule?


The Ugly: You think you’re sitting on a pavement with what appears to be a fresh slice, but you’re actually lying facedown on the ground with someone else’s leftover crust. But this doesn’t really matter because before you know it, your stomach’s contents are joining you all over the ground.





The Good: If you're the kind of person who bottles up feelings, unwinding over a few drinks might give you the chance to really come to terms with yourself. 


The Bad: Your ex’s profile picture with her new boyfriend. Your friend’s litter of puppies. The girl who just rejected you at the bar. You’re only human, and humans cry.


The Ugly: You left a little piece of your dignity, along with a puddle of salty tears, alongside the filth on the dance floor.



The Aftermath


The Good: It’s the morning after the night before. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you want to die. The very moment you wake up makes you want to swear off alcohol for good. But who are we kidding?


The Bad: How did I get home? Where are my keys? Did I really throw up that pizza slice on my neighbour’s ‘welcome’ mat? These are all things that rush through your mind. Fingers crossed it’s not as bad as you think.


The Ugly: Not only are your head and stomach doing backflips, but your mouth feels like the inside of a sewer and you smell. Your phone reveals one too many drunk calls and your text messages make you want to cry all over again.



Can you relate to any of the above? If you've got any great or equally horrific Paceville stories, we'd love to hear them!


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