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Tags:   Music,   Football,   World Cup

By The Swag Team   -  June 06, 2014   Mens Swag Online Magazine Malta  video

Il Divo and Toni Braxton's 2006 effort is on our list malta,   Music malta,  Football malta,  World Cup malta,  The top 10 Worst World Cup Songs malta, Sport malta, Swag Mens Online Magazine Malta

Il Divo And Toni Braxton's 2006 Effort Is On Our List
Photo credit:  www.article.wn.com

From the joys of Germany’s '80s football heroes being made to dance awkwardly behind The Village People, to the funeral dirge that was 2006’s Time of Our Lives, here is SWAG’s choice of the 10 worst World Cup-related anthems of all time.

10. Rod Stewart & the Scotland World Cup Squad – Ole Ola (Argentina 78)

We got Dalglish, Buchan and Macari
We got Archie Gemmill, Johnstone and McQueen
We got Big Joe Jordan waiting at the middle and the best support this world has ever seen
We got Donachie, Rioch and Don Masson
We got Andy Gray and Asa Hartford too

And with this lethal combination it's a fair estimation
That the World Cup will be ours the end of June

And we thought Rod the Mod was a serious artist.

9. The England World Cup Squad – This time (we’ll get it right) (Spain 82)

Or maybe not. Spurred on by this cacophany of brass and throaty bellowing, an ambitious England squad promised much but failed to deliver, returning home from Spain after the second round. Maybe this time, in 2014, they will finally get it right. But we’re not holding our breath.

8. Dodo & the Dodos & the Denmark World Cup Squad – Re-sepp-ten (Mexico 86)

The tinny mid-80s early digital synthesiser tinkling, the Rick Astley-ish beat, the mullet hairstyles and the pyjama-like tracksuits the team is wearing as they perform their We are the World-style group singing while holding on to their headphones in the video… it’s certainly no worse than most World Cup songs, or indeed many chart pop songs, of the era. That’s just it: it’s too much of a pop song and not enough of a rousing football chant.

7. Martin Bell and Jonathan Spurling – Sven, Sven, Sven (Japan/South Korea 02)

The Two Ronnies. Morecambe & Wise. Armstrong & Miller. Mitchell & Webb. England has produced some fine comedy duos over the years, but Bell & Spurling were not one of them. They represented the other end of the scale – unfunny, unoriginal, unpolished types who thought that a silly ditty about then England coach Sven Goran Ericsson’s highly publicised adventurous love life was an apt celebration for a glorious qualifying win (5-1 against Germany) and an inspirational tonic for its top footballers. 

6. The Village People & the German World Cup Squad – Far away in America (USA 94)

This camp dancefloor ‘classic’ is only one of many cringeworthy German World Cup songs (scroll down for another one). We truly believe that the decision to make the country’s finest footballers stand awkwardkly and dance behind the world’s ultimate gay band was one of the main reasons behind the reigning champions humiliating defeat to Bulgaria and exit in the quarter finals.

5. England United – (How does it feel to be) on top of the world (France 98)

Seemingly sung under duress by the future Mrs Beckham along with her Spice Girl bandmates, Echo and the Bunnymen and the Lightning Seeds, this number, reminiscent of some of the worst 90s boy and girl band drivel and the less-appealing navel-gazing aspects of Britpop, was thankfully eclipsed by the classic, singalong nostalgia of Baddiel & Skinner’s Three Lions.

4. Del Amitri – Don’t come home to soon (France 98)

We’re used to Scots being defiant, whether its Sean Connery wearing a kilt, or Mel Gibson playing a Scot in Braveheart, or even their current demand for an independence referendum. So sending their elite players to the world’s most important football spectacle with a downer hymn echoeing in their ears, however realistic they reflected the expectations, must have surely contributed to their losing every single one of their group matches and, indeed, returning early from across the English Channel.

3. Liam Harrison & the Goal Celebrities – Give it a Lash Jack (Italy 90)

Give it a lash Jack! Give it a lash Jack!
Never, never, never say no!
Ireland! Ireland! Repub-a-lic of Ireland!
Rev it up and here we go!

With those inspirational lyrics, songwriter Liam Harrison opted for a blatant stereotype of ‘Irishness’ delivered in a heavy accent that was probably his way of making a point that not much was expected from the Republic’s first ever foray into the finals. They instead gave a surprisingly good account of themselves, reaching the quarterfinals.

3. Toni Braxton & Il Divo – The Time of our Lives (Germany 2006)

They were tasked to prepare a song for a World Cup, not Eurovision or a funeral. What on earth were they thinking?

2. Peter Alexander & the German World Cup Squad – Mexico Mi Amor (Mexico 86)

This dirge-like easy-listening Engelbert Humperdinck-style throwback featured half-hearted central American clothing tomfoolery from Teuton legends such as Lothar Matthäus, plus goalkeeper Toni ‘my shoulder in your teeth’ Schumacher ‘playing’ the trumpet. The looks on the players’ faces as the camera pans around say it all.

1. Anastacia – Boom (Japan/South Korea 02)

A new breed of danceable and official World Cup was born with Ricky Martin’s La Copa della Vida in 1998. Unfortunately the sequence missed a beat or two with this utterly forgettable number sporting an aggressive delivery that completely fails to capture the spirit of packed football stadiums and passionate football fans. Has any cheerleader DJ ever bothered to put it on a stadium PA system to get a Mexican wave going and supporters dancing? Indeed, if we hadn’t reminded you it existed, would you have ever recalled it?


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