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Tags:   Relationships

By The Swag Team   -  April 22, 2015

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GINA STRAW gives SWAG men a peek at how it looks from the other side of the relationship divide and asks: is finding love a matter of dealing with high expectations?

Here's how it starts.

You meet the most caring, mature single man in his late 30s. You date him a couple of times, he's considerate, charming, warm and great company. But the minute you mention commitment, it all comes crumbling down.


I begin to wonder nowadays whether men at that age are single for a reason. When you ask them what they're looking for they will all tell you: I want to settle down, find a girl, get married and pop some kids. So the question for any woman is: is there anything wrong with me?


I'm sure my flaws are surmountable, she'd say, so then what is it? Are the men's expectations so high, that they won't commit to anyone who doesn't step up to be a mythical 'Stepford (perfect) Wife'?


In the media nowadays we are bombarded with perfection... glossy plump lips, flat stomachs, wrinkle-free faces, Colgate-white teeth, high cheek bones... you name you got it. But should we all adhere to this Barbie type standard to be considered as a catch nowadays?


I find that when you find someone who gives you attention and wants to spend some time with you, then you're forced to play 'the game', the one that's called, “I'm open to everything, I'm cool...” So you go straight to the point, where sex becomes the only intimate factor. Then, at least sometimes, you're left disappointed, because the man, on that one night stand, didn't pleasure you enough, and you just went with the flow... because all you really crave is the scent of a man, the touch, the embrace, the moments of laughter...


If her time is limited, a woman may quickly start fantasising that the new man she's met is 'the one', because he's ticked so many boxes. Then she's (sometimes) left with that feeling of regret: "I shouldn't have... but maybe he's going to want to see me again... we had such a great time..."


Then she ends up being needy and popping intimate questions, which don’t deserve an answer because there's no real intimacy between you. Then time goes by and the memories of the moments spent together turn into regret... And then she's faced with rejection and starts wondering what she could have done differently. But seldom does she point the finger at him, because her energies are spent focusing on "why this is happening to me again..."


Then she promises herself: "no sex for the first few dates". And this works out just fine; she explains it to her next lover boy, who turns out to be surprisingly okay with it, a month passes and she's thinking, he's the one, we're so compatible...


She then decides to plan that special night, in which, she will finally give herself fully, heart and soul. She's really looking forward to it, there's that adrenalin rush, she fantasises about all the details, and even gets turned on in the process... But when 'it' happens, something goes wrong and changes everything.


An anticlimax, something changes inside her, as if reality and fantasy have somehow divorced. The dream is over and reality kicks in. And she's back to square one. An internal voice whispers RUN, whereas her logical side screams for her to slow down, to rationalize what is going on, to analyse every piece so she can make some sense out of it, as she has invested so much into the last 30 days.

Sexual chemistry is crucial in the beginning of a relationship, it bonds you, if oxytocin is missing, the connection fails to ignite. So she decides to move on... but when will the vicious cycle end?


What can one learn from a situation like this?

Sexual chemistry and mental connection... can they both exist in a relationship? Are these requirements so far-fetched? If not, why settle for less? So when one hits the jackpot and you start thanking your lucky stars, how is it we still miss something? Are both sexes ready for commitment or we prefer superficial relationships that feed us moments of pleasure?


I'd love to hear your stories and your views, either below or on Facebook.


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