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Tags:   StarSigns,   Astrology,   Fitness

By Colin Fitz   -  November 18, 2014

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Photo credit:  www.tamzdezigns.co.za

Are you the kind of person who has a multitude of excuses for not staying in shape? A British personal trainer called Jayne Storey was once interviewed by the British 'Sunday Times' about a theory she had: that people's STAR SIGNS determine what sports they will enjoy, and what exercise they have more of a chance of keeping up. Colin Fitz is intrigued.

What would you say if I told you, at a party, that your star sign holds a clue to unlocking your potential in the world of sport?


“Yes, of course it does,” you’d say, before turning away mumbling “oh dear, is he always like this?” and searching valiantly for some excuse to leave me and my inane conversation behind you.


But it does. Forget buying ab-flab-rollers, cross-trainers and expensive sportswear to wear at the gym or on the track... if you’re looking to enter the world of sport, and you haven't realised the significance of your birthday, then it's all for nothing.


The eternal question asked by sofa (or in my case, bed) addicts is: “how can I keep it up?”


Not that, you dirty-minded SWAG reader. 'It' as in  'exercise' or 'sport'.


I am referring of course to that stage in life where the euphoria and novelty of having started a sport or exercise has worn off, and little evil temptations of jacking it all in start to make themselves felt. Usually within a week. 


I remember reading an interview with a personal trainer by the name of Jayne Storey in London’s Sunday Times; in it she claimed to have found the answer to that eternal dilemma. She's still around, motivating sportspeople using ethereal methods such as meditation, but I can't say I've found any more recent references of her recommending you look to the zodiac to discover your ideal sport.


In the article she said has been interested in astrology for years, but only decided to mate what she calls the "centuries-old system of character analysis” with the development of an effective programme for each of her clients at a relatively late stage in her caree as a motivational speaker and coach. 


She claimed that once she matched people to the right kind of exercise (read: sport) for their personality, it was amazing how easy it was for them to stick to it. 


I guess that means endless rounds of chess, or possibly darts, for me then. Actually, is there any way you can play darts sitting down? It's so tiring having to get up and then sitting down again while your opponent throws. But I digress.


The essential ingredient for Storey is a detailed horoscope chart. Now, unless there suddenly sprouts an abundance of physical trainers interested in heavenly bodies in Malta, I think one will have to acquire it from one of those shady women who operate on the fringes of our society and who occasionally turn up on 'Xarabank'. No, not those kind of ladies. I'm referring to the ones who occasionally pop up on Xarabank and who get shouted down by members of the Legion of Mary as soon as they start talking about Venus in Uranus. 


So you get your horoscope chart ready. Then look deep into what type of person your stars say you are. Then, easy-peasy, it will become obvious what type of physical activity is siutable for you.


For example, Jayne Storey says she had one client who hated going to the gym, but who, it turned out, had a hidden strong need to socialise foretold in his stars. She suggested he take up a sport that involved a partner, and lo and behold: he became passionate about squash and judo.


Personally speaking, I would have realised that without resorting to having my brain mapped according to what planet was in ascendance when I was born... everyone enjoys the banter at a weekly game of football or tennis. They are surely more stimulating than pumping iron on your own - unless, of course, you pump iron with other iron pumpers. But I suppose some people have to be told these things.


However, if you’re still interested, Jayne Storey recommends that those with star signs that fall under the four different main headings, should be looking at certain activities rather than others. Thus, if you’re an earth sign, such as Virgo or Capricorn, you should ignore your insistence on perfection, and try and inject some fun into your sporting activity. I suggest streaking at Ta’ Qali during a Valletta vs Hibernians match.


Air signs should attempt variety rather than competitive sports; water signs should avoid over indulgence and space out their activities, while fire signs are advised to avoid team sports.


As for me, I am a devout Christian and do not believe in astrology. I have instead been praying to all former popes and saints to give me guidance on what sport to choose, in the hope they will guarantee something that will prevent me from making a fool of myself in public. 


As I write, my prayers have met with a heaven that does not seem to be in a position to respond.  I guess I’ll have to try again later and stick to my sofa then.


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