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ARTICLES > LIFESTYLE/HUMOUR


HOW NOT TO MAKE A BEST MAN SPEECH

Tags:   Skills,   Fun,   Relationships,   Summer '14,   Weddings

By The Swag Team   -  July 15, 2014


   Skills malta,  Fun malta,  Relationships malta,  Summer '14 malta,  Weddings malta,  How not to make a best man speech malta, Lifestyle malta, Swag Mens Online Magazine Malta

Photo credit:  www.wired.com


A recent viral video of a British wedding party being entertained by a best man rapping his speech (see below) has received much attention. But lest you feel the tempatation to be too original when you’re next called on to be a best man, here’s SWAG’s list of don’ts to ensure your speech doesn’t go down like a lead balloon.

1 – FOOD STORIES

 

Never funny. Any story involving a curry, baked beans or Sofra Kebab and what happened the day after loses everything in translation. Save them for a boys’ night out.

 

2 – THE LINE FROM ‘FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL’

 

“When Bernard told me he was getting engaged to Lydia, I congratulated him because all his other girlfriends have been such complete dogs – although may I say how delighted we are to have so many of them here this evening.” Funny in the film. A bomb in real life.

 

3 – DON’T CAST DOUBT ON THE GROOM’S SEXUAL PROWESS

 

Don’t make reference to the small dimensions of the groom’s privates and suggest that at the gym he’s always first out of the showers getting dressed as quickly as possible. And don’t recite any rude poetry either.

 

4 – UNACCUSTOMED AS I AM…

 

Don’t kick off with “I’m not used to public speaking” even if you think you’re being ironic. It’s a naff line and will get groans.

 

5 – DON’T ANTAGONISE THE TWO FAMILIES

 

Two big groups of people who don’t know each other - or worse DO know each other - plus booze and emotions. What a surprise that so many weddings end in an exchange of blows. Don’t throw fat on the fire with references likely to upset the bride’s side. There’s a reason Maltese weddings have a policeman in attendance.

 

6 – THE BACHELOR PARTY

 

Don’t tell tales about what really occurred in Amsterdam or at that farmhouse in Gozo. The repercussions will, no doubt be felt on your own wedding day.

 

7 – LONG ANECDOTES

 

The speech should be short and to the point. The audience doesn’t have the stamina for a long story only you and the groom will enjoy.

 

8 – THE SEXUAL HISTORY OF THE BRIDE

 

She may have had half the wedding party, but this really isn’t the time to bring it up. Mention her past and you’re guaranteed a punch-up


That wedding video with the rapping best man




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