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ARTICLES > WOMEN


THOUGHTFUL GESTURES THAT COULD BACKFIRE

Tags:   Skills,   Relationships,   Gifts

By Mila Camilleri   -  July 06, 2014



Women appreciate being spoiled every so often, but as a man you need to know exactly in what way yours wants to be. You might think it’s a good idea to try to solve her problems, buy her gifts and give her attention, but in reality she might not appreciate it as much as you think. SWAG delves into the technicalities of how the mysterious sex may interpret your kind gestures.

 

There’s a common belief that when a man buys a woman flowers or chocolate for no apparent reason, it’s a feeble attempt at righting a wrong that she doesn't know about - or for him to assuage his conscience. 

 

The modern woman is very aware of the tricks men have up their sleeves, so they’ve developed a firewall which can make men's lives all the more difficult. And showering her with gifts might actually make her feel like you’re domineering or that she needs to do the same for you. Navigating the gifts-and-attention-for-your-girl minefield is not easy, but we're going to try and give your some tips to keep in mind.

 

Say you decide to surprise your girl with a diamond necklace, like you've seen done in the movies. You can’t just walk into a jewellery shop and buy the first thing you see. Does she prefer a gold or silver chain? Round cut or Princess cut? Does she even like diamonds? The saying ‘diamonds are a girl’s best friend’ may not actually be 100% accurate.

 

If you make the mistake of buying the wrong type of thing, be it jewellery, shoes or chocolate, she may inwardly feel that you don’t know what she likes, and that you don’t pay attention to basic details.

 

When it comes to clothes and shoes, if you’re brave enough to buy her something without her being present, you'd damn well better get the size right. You might not think it’s a big deal, but let’s turn it the other way around. Imagine you’re a Liverpool supporter and she bought you a Manchester United t-shirt. Wouldn’t you be outraged? So try to sneakily get her opinion on the item before you buy it. Basically, if you’re not sure if she likes it, don’t buy it.

 

Even something as innocent as texting her multiple times a day or showering her with affection at an inappropriate time can backfire. Everyone needs personal space and alone time, especially if she has somewhere to be.

 

Perfection takes time and she won’t appreciate you pawing at her at the wrong moment.If she’s in the middle of getting ready to go somewhere, it’s really not the time to suddenly give her all your attention and it’s definitely not the time to initiate any hanky-panky, especially if she's just done her hair and make-up.

 

When she eventually leaves the house, don’t text her multiple times asking how she’s doing - unless you're sure she wants you to. You might think you’re showing interest, but she could see it as you being insecure, particularly early in a relationship.

 

The same thing goes for doing everything for her. If she has functioning limbs, let her do things for herself. It’s nice when a man prepares a home cooked meal for his gal, but if she likes to cook, let her help you. Waving an iron fist and forcing her to sit down and relax as you work your magic in the kitchen might actually annoy her.

 

Helping her out with her burst pipe or a flat tyre is a gentlemanly thing to do, but if she’s had a bad day at work, don't offer to solve her problems or offer suggestions on how to fix things. It’s best to simply let her get her feelings out - sometimes, that's all she wants to do.

 

Male logic doesn’t mix well with female emotion. Your practical advice won’t work if she’s upset. If anything, it will make her mad at you too because you’re not trying to understand how she’s feeling.

 

This male practical approach versus female sentimentality is often the thing men find hardest to fathom. SWAG knows of one relationship in its early stages, where the well-off boyfriend bought his girl a state of the art TV to replace the ancient set in her flat. The problem was that he made this thoughtful (to him) gesture on Valentine's Day. While the girl appreciated the expense he went through, secretly the girl felt that his feelings for her were not deep enough as he would have otherwise bought her jewellery.

 

Amazing isn't it? But it's true: women ARE from Venus while we are from Mars, as the book says. Don't give up though: that relationship lasted and the couple went on to marry and build a lovely family.

 

We admit, women's idiosyncrasies can take some getting used to, but once you’ve been around a woman long enough, you’ll get the hang of it. The secret is to do some serious detective work, without her realising, early in the relationship.



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