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ARTICLES > GADGETS & TECH/HUMOUR


THE WORLD'S DUMBEST DEVICES

Tags:   Smartphones,   ,   Computers

By Mila Camilleri   -  June 29, 2014



There’s a fine line between useful and downright stupid gadgets. We’ve got to admit that today’s society is pretty lazy, so a device that preys on that usually goes down well. Technology that actually serves a purpose in every day life is great, but what about the other end of the spectrum? SWAG looked around for devices that are so bad we were left wondering why anyone would waste their resources manufacturing them.

Who doesn't like a little music with their toast in the morning? Well, some people like the two so much, they've decided to permanently combine the two. The Radio Toaster boasts it will remove the unbearable boredom of waiting for your bread to toast.

 

How did we ever live without it? With six doneness levels and a bagel setting, your life will be complete. We’re not sure if it’s a toaster with a radio or a radio in a toaster, but who cares? Once you’re done eating your musical toast, it’s time to brush your teeth and get ready for the day ahead.

 

And speaking of brushing teeth, that's something you’re supposed to do at least twice a day. A normal person wouldn’t think twice about grabbing their bog-standard toothbrush and going to town on their filthy gnashers. Okay, perhaps an electric toothbrush is the farthest we’d go when it comes to oral hygiene technology.


 
But the Kolibree Toothbrush goes far beyond this. It's a Bluetooth-powered toothbrush that actually analyses your brushing and sends data to an app on your mobile phone. It tells you whether you’ve brushed for long enough and even promotes family bonding by comparing scores with your relatives! How utterly wonderful! Dentists beware: your job will soon be history!

 

Social media is the current big thing and millions of users have taken to Twitter to put their lives and opinions on show. We’d like to assume that a majority of current users are human. Well, this state of affairs is not set to last for long.


 
Puppy Tweets is a handy device that hangs from your dog’s collar and responds to barking. After you’ve set up an account for your furry companion, all they need to do is bark and the Puppy Tweets system will immediately tweet a delightful status. We can’t imagine anyone other than a One Direction-loving fourteen-year-old girl being interested in this daft gadget. But then again, that Animal Diaries programme on TVM has a massive following, so who knows?

 

Another new machine that we believe will make absolutely no one's life better is aimed at revolutionising your relationship with your home's visual and sound entertainment system.


 
A real man always has multiple remote controls scattered all over his living room. Sometimes a company tries to get him to dump them all for one state of the art universal remote or, at least, get him to invest in a fancy remote control caddy. But now there is the Remote Wrangler. It's a hideous piece of headgear that uses magnets to get your remote controls to stick to it. Hey presto: no more lost remotes!

 

Finally, we present the Frankformer. It might look like a doctor’s tool that’s been designed to be inserted into unmentionable places, but it’s actually quite harmless… and useless. Apparently, eating a frankfurter (or your common or garden Prime pork sausage) the normal way isn’t good enough anymore. The makers of the Frankformer claim that turning your hotdog into a fun figure adds excitement to the eating experience.


 
We beg to disagree. We believe that sausages are a manly food. They're made from scraps, not exactly healthy and anyway, women eating sausages is... unseemly. So they're a man thing. And men should eat hotdogs as quickly as possible, without making eye contact. Playing games with your sausage on a boys' night is veering dangerously close to unmanly territory.

 

And there you have it. If you've read this and decided that one of these objects will make a handy gift for somone in your life, we're happy. Mystified, but happy.

 



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