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THE EIGHT TYPES OF MALTESE MEN - ACCORDING TO THEIR WEEKEND HABITS

Tags:   Fun,   Relationships,   Going out

By Mila Camilleri   -  June 25, 2014



For those of us that don’t do shift work, the weekend is for unwinding and doing all those things that the Monday to Friday rush doesn’t allow. So, apart from catching up on chores, we may meet our mates for a few beers, perhaps play some video games or watch some sport and, if there’s any time left, go out for a drive, dinner or a movie with our other halves (where applicable). But we at SWAG know there's plenty of other ways a weekend is spent on these islands. So we’ve put our anthropologist hat on to break down the local male into his eight main varieties according to his weekend behaviour. 

The Jet Setter

 

The Jet Setter is a special kind of man who enjoys the finer things in life. Spending the morning brunching at Tigne’, planning the next Gozo farmhouse weekender and socialising at Surfside can really take its toll. A house party in Madliena doesn’t cut it tonight. The Jet Setter needs to let loose and get zibel. He meets his bros at Hugo’s Lounge for cocktails, followed by a stint at Shadow, where the Grey Goose flows freely. After a little too much of the stuff, talk of how much of a floozy Becky P is gets him into trouble with Becky P’s best friend, Becky B. Hours of furious Whatsapping later, The Jet Setter decides to go home and watch Game of Thrones, ‘ghax qabzilti man’.

 

The Rocker/Laid Back Lad

 

The Rocker is a laid back kind of dude. He likes to sit back with a glass of Jack in one hand, a cigarette in the other and Guns ‘n’ Roses playing in the background. If there’s nowhere to sit inside Coconut Grove he’ll go and stand outside, raising an eyebrow at the sheep walking by. He’ll probably bump into some old friends and discuss the good old days when music was good, when you could rock at The Alley all night. After some head banging and a few more Jack-Cokes and pints, he finds his way to his beat-up Land Rover and heads home, blasting Metallica all the way.

 

The Culture Vulture

 

You can probably find The Culture Vulture at a show at the Manoel Theatre, MITP or St James Cavalier on a Saturday night. Once in a while it’s nice to take a break from reading Tolstoy, D.H. Lawrence and Guze Stagno. After the show’s over he heads to Streat Whisky Bistro with his peers to discuss the highs and lows of the night’s performance over a glass of wine and a charcuterie platter. He bumps into more theatre enthusiasts, and after much cheek kissing and pleasantries, the conversation once again turns to a dissection of the performance. Once he’s finished swapping opinions and the platter’s been cleared away, he moves to a friend’s house to continue the night chatting on a sofa, drinking more Gavi di Gavi and playing a board game. Oh, he also puts some time aside to care for his beard on Saturday afternoon.

 

The Clubber

 

The Clubber is quite self-explanatory. Fist pumping, sipping on vodka-Red Bull, waiting for the beat to drop. The Maltese clubber is always prepared for the night ahead. Saturday night is the Holy Grail. His Honda Civic petrol tank is full, his jeans are tight and his wallet’s full of €1 tequila tokens. The eve starts off with a bottle of vodka from Hot Ice, then the party moves to Clique, where more drinking happens. After visiting countless other clubs, the night ends at Havana. By this time, he’s delirious and starving. The night finally concludes with a trip to Sofra Kebab or Porkies, as it should.

 

The Bachelor

 

The Bachelor just loves the ladies. The weekend is his time to meet single women who are ready to mingle. Even if they’re not single, ‘uwija’. Nothing makes him happier than making eye contact with a beautiful woman and sauntering over to put the moves on her. Saturday nights are always the best in summer. After all, inquisitive students don’t come to Malta to study English, do they? It might take a bit of sweet-talking, dancing and a beverage or two, but The Bachelor usually gets what he wants. The night ends with him crawling into bed, with a big smile on his face. This is a family-friendly site, so we won’t elaborate on why he’s smiling.

 

The Committed Lad

 

This type of man loves to spend his weekend with his lovely girlfriend. Saturday night is ‘couples time’. It used to be a time to hang out with the boys, but that’s all over now. The Committed Lad and his lady go to dinner and have long intense conversations about their future together, closely followed by long intense periods of silence, whilst holding hands and making intense eye contact. They take a stroll along the Sliema front and eventually stop to sit on a bench, taking in the atmosphere. If they've been together less than six months, she will later sit on his lap and they won’t be able to keep their hands off each other. It doesn’t matter who or what walks past them on that star-lit night; they will only have eyes for each other. If they've been together longer than six months, they'll sit on the bench and observe the world going by. At the end of the night, he drives her home and reluctantly says goodbye. The exact same thing happens the next Saturday.

 

The Peter Pan

 

The Peter Pan is the type of local lad who doesn’t realise he’s past his prime. He’s usually older and single. He justs want to socialise with people (who are usually younger and of the opposite sex) at all costs, and that’s why he makes sure to get himself involved in social activities that guarantee the comfort of a group. At the end of the event, he’s the one insisting that everyone goes for a drink afterwards. Once the members of the social activity he was involved in have gone home, he ventures to Paceville, walking down Wilga Street, scanning the area for the busiest bar. Then he gets himself a drink and stands outside the door, watching. After an hour or so, he ventures inside to mingle. He probably ends up in a corner in the club after a failed attempt to socialise. His dancing is questionable and the booze is getting to him. It’s about time he goes home. He’s determined to recreate his great night next weekend.

 

The Family Man

 

The Family Man doesn’t get out much. An exciting Saturday night happens perhaps once every few months. He usually takes his wife and kids to his mum’s house or worse, to his mother in law’s. Occasionally he splurges and takes his family to an early dinner consisting of a Happy Meal and a film afterwards. The film is probably something Disney or Pixar-related, causing him to stare, dead-eyed, at the big screen for almost two hours. When the film is over, he drives his family home, grabs a beer and falls asleep on the sofa. On Sunday he washes the car.

 



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